Ever ask a zee how they feel about holidays? Just what goes through the mind of an average person versus the franchisee owner when “holiday” is discussed? Ever wonder how a zor spends their holiday? In the Americas, the word is “vacation”. Every paid worker spends their year planning and imagining the relief those two or three weeks truly bring to the family and one’s own inner balance of family vs work vs quality of life. In Europe, it’s holiday and it’s twice as long as the Americas because most Euro holiday packages are four to six weeks. The European has come to expect holiday and due to the lack of opportunity, in some respects holiday is one’s privilege.
In the thinking of the blue collar or the white collar or the Euro or anyone else who has never truly owned and run a business, let alone a franchised business, there is no reference or association as to what a holiday brings to a zee. Their impression is that a small business owner who owns a high-profile franchise operation must already be rich. They do not know that the life savings and the mountain of debt needed to serve them their 15 second servings of fast food heart attack will never allow me to enjoy another holiday. The reference of outlay at the onset of such purchase of franchises is referred to “sunk costs”. Oh how bloody true is that depiction!
Here are just a few interesting problems of the zee during holiday:
Workers are off, zee gets to stay and keep the doors open (bills don’t do holidays)
Workers are off, doors have to stay open, otherwise the revenue of the holiday revelers will be lost
If it’s a day in which stores are closed due to law, I’ll stay and catch up on books and admin as the workers aren’t in
If it’s a party day where retail is open, I get to stay and help the skeleton shift (who bitch and moan that they have to work)
Leading up to the holiday, everyone leaves early, meaning I get to stick around to make sure everything is set because I own this mess
And finally, the schedules are all mine to own and fix and work with due to the fact that no one owns anything but me (the R word means nothing to the hourly worker)
And last but not least, I can visualize and imagine the wonderful times the zor is having attending special events as grand marshall (the honor and respect he purchased with my life savings and ongoing royalty abuses). After all, his ad fund, his marketing fund, his kickbacks from vendors and his admin, his legal support are all coming from the money I gave, will give him and am generating while working over this glorious holiday!
Hijack a concept that sells (regardless of profit), create an alternative product with not a creative bone in your body or differentiator (other than price) to separate yourself from the leader. Good models are Subway/Quiznos, Dunkin Donuts/Tim Hortons, Gold’s/Curves, Taco Bell/Taco Johns, McDonald’s/Burger King, Red Lobster/Long John Silvers, Dominos/Papa Johns, Midas/Meineke, Kinkos/UPS Store, Carvel/Baskin Robbins.
Find a big franchisor law firm that writes bullet-proof UFOCs/FDDs. “Put in two CYA clauses for every claim your broker will make.”
Get a referral from your law firm for that less-than-respectable banker that can build a contract based on UCC and not common law.
Sell the concept to unsuspecting franchisees who are naive and in a place of vulnerability (immigrants mostly, displaced corporate America , mom and pop hopefuls) to finance your venture (mostly because anyone with a brain won’t touch such a business plan).
Then watch the money come in. Schedule your 12 weeks of vacation per year, buy your VIP box at your favorite stadium and start shopping for yachts. It’s only a matter of time until you have the cash flow to live like a king.
With some of that initial franchisee deal money, hire some bloke who can’t otherwise make it in the real world to be your marketing officer (sort of like Quiznos hired Steinfort, some young 30 something who’s only experience was in telecommunications!).
Introduce them to the other brilliant creative minds on Madison Ave. and the party will now begin! All you have to do is attend dog-and-pony shows, make a decision and whatever you choose is paid for by the franchisee!
If you need more ad money, simply raise the rates on your ad royalties and make it retroactive to every FDD/UFOC (that confirms it’s coming out of the franchisee pockets of course). No one can object because if they do, you can pull their franchise!
Cut an ironclad kickback agreement with your vendors and dictate to each franchisee that they have to buy from that vendor. If they refuse, threaten to pull their franchise and thus their livelihood.
Hire average salespeople (yes men) who will do exactly as you instruct them in coloring the truth just enough to the franchisees to get them to sign. Those from the mortgage industry, timeshare sales, car sales and any other large ticket, one time products make great fits. They’re used to instilling the confidence necessary to maket the sales and because it’s only one-time, they don’t have to worry about repeat sales. Salespeople with integrity and honesty are considered bad prospects.
Spend all your time building your marketing programs to sell more franchises, letting the other stuff work itself out. You don’t need rockstars for this, average blokes from the local community do just fine. If you hire too much IQ, you suffer someone questioning your motives and the long term. Remember, your job is to sell franchises, not worry about how they do as a business. If they fail, you have the opportunity to sell another in the same region. And because you the majority of your money on the initial sale, their success or failure is absolutely of no concern to you.
Stop by tomorrow to learn how to build your internal staff to accommodate your new high roller lifestyle. We’ll teach you just what type of people can help you build your kingdom with the life savings of the naive who are seeking to survive.
a container or machineseemingly legitimate business venture in which cream or milk franchisee is agitated to make butter create more fake wealth.
2.
any of various containers or machines seemingly legitimate businesses vehicles similar in shape or action to a legitimate business butter churn, as a device for agitating franchisees mixing beverages.
3.
British. a large milk canunregulated marketplace.
4.
an act of churning stocks marks (naïve blokes) by a franchisor stockbroker.
–verb (used with object)
5.
to agitate in order to make into butterdrive out of business: to churn creamfranchises.
6.
to make (butter) room for more marks by the agitation of creamexisting franchisees.
7.
to shake or agitate with violence or continued motion: The storm franchisor churned the seafranchises (chum).
8.
(of a stockbroker franchisor) to trade discount/devalue/distress (a customer’s franchisee’s securities investment, retirement, savings, 401K [livelihood]) excessively (often to ruin) in order to earn more in commissions.
–verb (used without object)
9.
to operate a churn franchise.
—Verb phrase
12.
churn out, to produce mechanically, hurriedly, or routinelydrive a franchisee into ruin in an unconscionable manner: He was hired to churncreate revenue by selling out verses marks for greeting cards franchisors.
Bloody Franchise 